I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
