i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
