Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
