even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
