It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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