the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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