this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
