it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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