So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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