this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
