Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
