My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
