just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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