I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
