used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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