just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
