Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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