i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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