I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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