I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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