You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
