doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
