my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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