Don't you send me to vm
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
