do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
