You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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