went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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