If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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