I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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