he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize