dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
