Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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