from now on my penis is your penis
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
