I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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