i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
