I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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