Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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