Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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