Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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