I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
