So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
