we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
