Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His nipple licking is glorious
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