I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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