Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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