Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
