Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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