Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
