I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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