She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
