We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
