Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Randomize
