Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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