every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
