I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
