I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
