Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
