Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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