LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
