Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
