The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Semen is not good for contacts.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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