everyone is single if you try hard enough
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
