Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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