This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
