u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
