His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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