I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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