I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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