I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
