It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
