yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
