Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
