I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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