There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
