and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize