someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
