The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
