I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
