He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
