College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
