I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
