He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
