you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
