How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
