i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
