Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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