she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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