I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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