Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize